Sunday, September 16, 2007

a week passes by

This is mostly a blog about Uma with whom I am currently doing the most agility and felt I needed a training blog to keep myself focused and to keep friends updated on what we're doing. But Uma is not my only dog and the stories of their lives are just as important to me. So Mira's story had to interfere.

For those of you who asked - Mira died of a ruptured brain aneurysm, which I didn't know she had. Brain aneurysms usually do not give any symptoms, sometimes they can cause headaches. But with dogs, it's a tough criteria to go on for diagnosis, as they usually don't complain. So I didn't know there was anything wrong. Now I am analyzing the minute changes in her behavior to see if there were perhaps any clues, but the truth is.... there just weren't. I really didn't even know what an aneurysm was up until last week.
So I was packing the car for the Polish agility championships, a trial I had really wanted to go to and do well at. It was 3 in the morning, it was dark, it was raining. As I was carrying the stuff to the car, the dogs were all running around me and suddenly Mira just fell. Just like that. No warning. I thought she had just stumbled, but she was unconscious and having what resembled a seizure and which stopped after a few seconds. I tried doing CPR on her, I woke up Janusz, we put her in the car and sped off to the nearest emergency clinic. She died in my arms. When we got to the clinic the vet only confirmed the death and kept the body for an autopsy. That's how I found out about the aneurysm.
The vets tried to cheer me up by saying that if a ruptured aneurysm doesn't cause instant death, then the dog ends up paralyzed or in a coma. I didn't feel particularly cheerful, I couldn't even drive I was crying so hard.

No need to add I didn't go to the nationals trial. They told me it rained all day long.

Understandably, it's been a very tough week. Possibly the worst one so far in my life. As they say, misfortunes never come single. When one thing in your life gets screwed up, then all others follow. We had 3 sheep mysteriously killed, I started a lousy and very stressful job (which I need to give up ASAP) and finally came down with the flu on Friday. Clearly, stress related. I'm usually pretty optimistic about life, sure I've been sad at times, but never, never like this. I still can't put into writing what I feel about Mira's death, so I won't. For now, at least.

Anyway, I guess I wanted to prove something to myself, so I took Uma to a trial today. My flu and all, driving alone, drinking warm tea from a thermos, all bundled up in a blanket, as pathetic as it gets. Come to think of it I'm not really sure what I wanted to prove. That I've survived? Anyway, two of the worst runs of my life, with off-courses in places where you'd never think an off-course was possible. Uma wasn't listening to me, I wasn't moving, it wasn't working and I didn't feel like chatting to anyone. All I proved is that when you've just lost a dog and have the flu, you should stay home.

5 comments:

Flirt the Squirt said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Mira is clearly still very much alive in your thoughts.

/amy

Johann The Dog said...

Sounds like life is handing you a 'it's time to take a break' time...I am soo sad you are sad, sad about Mira, and sad about your sheepies...take the time you need my friend. We are thinking about you lots...

They always say, don't they, when it gets down to it's worst, there is nowhere to go but up...

Flirt the Squirt said...

Wish you were coming to the Nationals, especially as they are relatively closer this year, being on the East coast and the exchange rates are so favorable to Europe too. I will try to take lots of pictures and post them to my blog or Flickr site and maybe even drag the ol' video camera along to catch some of the stock runs at finals.

Johann The Dog said...

Just stopping by to say hi and that we are thinking about you!!! Thanks for the nice comments about our great Friday, although Sat and Sun were NQ days we are still relishing in Friday's triumphs. We also got to meet Finn's Mum this weekend. When I saw Finn I said, cute aussie, reminds me of my friends pup and she said, Justyna? Yep! It was great talking and getting to know Lisa.

Let us know how things are going, K?

Uma said...

Amy, I really wish I was there this year too. Mira had qualified for the Agility Finals in the Veterans Division...